


And Nothing But The Truth

by RachaelGold



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M, Mild Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2019-04-29 00:11:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14460843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RachaelGold/pseuds/RachaelGold
Summary: What does it take to get Kathryn Janeway to confess her feelings for her First Officer?Surely not Tuvok and Chakotay facing a court martial?The events of Repression come back to haunt Voyager's three most senior officers.Setting: Post-Endgame





	And Nothing But The Truth

Kathryn swallowed hard as she raised her right hand and placed it carefully on the red glowing panel in front of her. She knew from experience that the sensors would pick up any slight change in her demeanour, and that the three judges would be studying the readings very carefully as she answered the questions. Dredging strength from the depths of her being, she promised to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, in a voice she kept firm and even, despite the mixture of anger and anxiety she was feeling. 

She really couldn’t believe it. It had finally come to this. How could Starfleet be so petty? She had argued with them over the wisdom of pursuing this, but they hadn’t withdrawn the charges. They had assured her that the whole thing would be conducted quickly and quietly, away from the public gaze and with the minimum of witnesses, in point of fact with only one witness. Herself. They had tried to assure her that the whole thing would be over in hours, so that the planned celebrations for their very public homecoming would be untainted by any unresolved issues. They said that the proceedings were a formality and that the result was a foregone conclusion, but she knew better than to assume anything in the circumstances. She knew they would mislead her, if it suited their purposes. 

She glanced over at the defendants standing in the dock, trying to reassure them with her steady gaze. Tuvok and Chakotay. Her two best friends. Two people singled out from her crew to face court martial over of all things the Teero incident. There were probably a thousand incidents over the last seven years that they might have picked apart, but for some unfathomable reason, they had chosen this one. Mutiny. And attempted murder. Of herself. They were such ugly words, conjurers of terrible and violent images across the history of the universe. Inwardly, she was seething. She had been Starfleet’s representative out there in the Delta Quadrant. She hadn’t deemed the incident worthy of court martial, and it had been her life that had been on the line, not theirs. No, her two friends weren’t mutineers or murderers, merely victims of some hideous game. 

Dear Tuvok. He should be on his way to Vulcan by now to get treatment for his illness. Was that a hint of regret she saw on his usually emotionless face? And Chakotay. The light in his eyes was dim and distant. Was that sadness, or even shame reflected in them? He was a proud man. He already blamed himself for much of what happened. She knew he had had a hard enough time accepting what he had done, without the weight of Starfleet coming down on him. It crossed her mind that he might even have felt so appalled at himself to have pleaded guilty, but thankfully he hadn’t. 

She took a few deep breaths to steady herself. Every change in her heartbeat or blood pressure, any chemical or thermal variation in her skin would be evident to the three solemn judges, sitting in an imposing row behind an elevated bench, glowering severely at the spattering of people whose presence had been permitted. 

The inquisition began easily enough, as the prosecution probed the events which led up to the former Maquis taking over the ship. She began to relax, as she described the facts as she knew them. It was little worse than recording the events in her logs, and indeed at some later time, her logs would be offered as evidence. 

She told how Crewman Tabor had been found unconscious, and how Tuvok had initiated an investigation on her orders. Then she described how Crewman Yosa had been found in the same condition in a Jefferies tube. In turn, more members of the Maquis crew suffered the same fate, but eventually regained consciousness, seemingly none the worse for their experience. 

She went on the describe how Tuvok had discovered that he himself was the perpetrator, and how she then had confined him to the Brig. The subliminal message from Teero had then been discovered in the message Tuvok had received from his son. At this point, the proceedings were halted as the spine-chilling message itself was replayed to the court, leaving the audience silently appalled. 

Janeway’s inquisition continued and the tale of the storming the Bridge was recounted. She herself was assailed by Chakotay and Yosa in a corridor, dragged to the Brig and incarcerated. 

Questions were asked about the storming of the Bridge, and the personnel and weapons involved, also about how she and the rest of the Starfleet crew were treated. It wasn’t easy on the ear. 

But worse was to follow. Kathryn’s voice faltered once or twice as she described how she had been taken to her Ready Room, where she found herself confronted by Chakotay, who then ordered Tuvok to kill her as a test of his loyalty. 

When she was asked to describe her feelings at the time, she took a moment before continuing. She couldn’t begin to guess what the judiciary were making of the readouts from the sensors at this time. This was probing deeper than she was really prepared for them to go, but the question was repeated in an insistent tone. 

"Disbelief. Anger. Hurt," she said. "I felt betrayed by my friends and loyal officers." 

"Were you afraid, Captain Janeway?" 

"There was little time to think." 

"I must insist on an answer. Were you at any time afraid for your life?" 

She paused for a moment. "Yes." 

"You thought you were going to die?" 

"Yes." 

"In fact, Commander Tuvok fired a phaser at you." 

"He did." 

"It was set to kill?" 

"Yes." 

"And you would have died instantly, had the phaser not been defective?" 

"That is highly likely," she said resentfully. This was so painful. Did they really have to rake all this over? Twist the knife in a second time? Expect her to relive every second? Her eyes caught Chakotay’s apologetic ones momentarily. They were pools of regret and sadness, and she realised that he was hurting just as badly, if not more than she was. 

"Tell me, was the phaser examined at a later time?" 

"It was." 

"And what conclusions were drawn following that examination?" 

"That the phaser had been tampered with and rendered inoperative." 

"You were unaware of it at the time?" 

"Yes." 

"Was Mr. Chakotay aware of this?" 

"Yes. He admitted later that he had tampered with the phaser." 

"So are you are saying that, with hindsight, it had never been Mr. Chakotay’s intention to kill you?" 

"Yes," she replied firmly. 

"What about Commander Tuvok? Was he aware that the phaser was defective?" 

"No. He merely had a hunch that it was. He was being asked to show his loyalty. He didn’t believe Commander Chakotay would have armed him with a functional phaser, if he doubted his loyalty." 

"That is what he would like you to believe." 

"Considering the charged atmosphere at the time, I would have to agree with him." 

The prosecutor harrumphed, in a way that suggested his disbelief of this. "At the very least, he was taking an incredible gamble with your life. He couldn’t be sure, could he?" 

"No." 

"Who gave the order to fire?" 

"Commander Chakotay." 

"Did Commander Tuvok fire instantly?" 

"There were only a few moments’ hesitation." 

"And he aimed to kill?" 

"Well….It was not his intention…" 

"Where was the phaser aimed?" 

"At the chest." 

"At vital organs?" 

"Yes." 

"Then he aimed to kill!" 

"Had the phaser been operational, then yes." 

"Did he in any way question Mr. Chakotay’s orders?" 

"No." 

"Did you plead for your life?" 

Kathryn swallowed, before answering in the affirmative. She said she had tried to appeal to the Tuvok beneath Teero's control, and ordered him not to do it. 

"But he still fired?" 

"Yes." 

The interrogation went on and on, picking over the details with terrible interest. To the horror of all three Voyager Officers, they were made to almost re-enact the whole scenario in the courtroom. Eventually, the agony of it all was ended when proceedings were brought to a halt by a recess for lunch. 

* * *

  


Kathryn only picked at her lunch, a thousand thoughts tumbling in her mind. She was rather unsettled by the way things were going. They were probing far deeper into her feelings than she had expected, exposing raw wounds that she had tried hard to cover over. As such a private person, one who had perfected the art of hiding her feelings over the last seven years, it was deeply disturbing to be forced to articulate them. Well, she guessed, she should have prepared herself more thoroughly. She might have handled it better, if she'd anticipated it. Expect the unexpected, they tell you at Command School. Instead, she had been too busy being angry, and trying to stop the thing from happening at all. She'd allowed herself to get distracted. 

She looked around the room. It was very weird to be amongst so many strangers….mostly humans, and yet feel so terribly alone. She had got rather used to living in such a close-knit community. They had become something of an extended family. She had been the backbone of that family, and as a result she had learned to suppress her own desires, so as to exude a show of strength and hope that she sometimes didn’t feel. Yes, she’d definitely perfected the art of hiding her own feelings. As Captain, she’d had to. It was part of the job. 

Only the court officials spoke to her during the break. Everybody else knew what was going on, and understood she needed space. Tuvok and Chakotay were of course in custody, and consequently kept apart from everybody else. She was assured that everything was going well, despite the recent tone of the questions. The defence had yet to open their case. 

She downed two large mugs of coffee, before steeling herself to return to the courtroom. They stood for the arrival of the three judges, and she was called again to take her place at the witness stand. 

For the next hour or so, they scrutinised the aftermath of the situation. Kathryn had to explain how she had accepted the fact that the rebels had not been acting of their own volition, and how she had worked hard with her two senior officers to present a united front. They had shown the crew that they could put the incident behind them. 

She had to describe the reaction of the crew and few disturbing altercations between the two factions, but eventually things had been smoothed over, and the crew had functioned again as one cohesive unit. She agreed that she had been devastated by the actions of her two closest allies on board, but she had put her feelings aside for the good of the ship, and they had quickly rebuilt their faith in each other. 

"Did you place the same level of trust in your two senior officers as you did before the incident?" 

Kathryn hesitated, before saying carefully, "After a short period of caution, yes." 

"How short a period of caution?" 

"I’d say a few days." 

"And after that you relaxed your guard?" 

"Yes. It was evident that there was no residual effect from the mind control. The Doctor’s report supports this." 

"Captain Janeway, I am correct in saying that you did not hold a court martial for any of the participants of the mutiny?" 

"Yes, Sir. That is correct." 

"Yet you were the sole dispenser of Starfleet discipline out there. You did not deem it necessary to hold a court martial?" 

"No. I did not." 

"Can you explain why you did not?" 

"I was completely satisfied that all the persons involved, Commander Tuvok and Commander Chakotay included, had not been acting of their own free will. They had been acting under the complete control of Teero. His power over them had been too strong for either of them to resist. He was the true perpetrator of the crimes." 

"Teero’s control was so strong they couldn’t resist, is that what you’re saying?" 

"Yes." 

"Then, weren’t you taking one hell of a risk to place them back on duty?" 

"No. I was satisfied the link was broken." 

"Captain Janeway, are you an expert in psychological manipulation?" 

"No." 

"Then I put it to you that you were naïve at the very least, to allow them back on duty." 

"I disagree. I was fully satisfied that they were acting normally. I did not have the option of putting forty people in the Brig for the rest of the journey, even if I had felt otherwise. I would have had to resolve the situation in some other way. Let me assure you that I had full confidence in my two senior officers after the incident. In fact, they proved themselves completely trustworthy in their conduct thereafter, which most certainly validates my decision." 

"So they got off scot-free? Not even a reprimand?" 

"We discussed the situation. They both bitterly regretted what had happened. I did not have to reprimand them to make them see the ramifications of their actions. I did, however, make a note of it on their records." 

"So they steal the ship, incarcerate the Starfleet crew, attempt to murder you, and all the punishment they get is one measly statement on their service records?" 

Janeway shifted uncomfortably. "I was confident that was the only appropriate course of action. The officers themselves were not responsible for their actions." 

"Again, I’d say how could you know? Are you an expert in psychology?" 

"No." 

"No. Precisely. I would say that you had been exceedingly lenient in your dealings with the accused. In fact, I would say that your judgement was clouded by your involvement with them. You were by no means impartial when you considered how to punish them." 

"I assure you, I considered the matter at length, as my logs show." 

"Oh, I do not deny that you spend time deliberating the matter. I am saying that you were predisposed to be lenient with your two senior officers. Captain Janeway, how long have you known Commander Tuvok?" 

"Nearly ten years." 

"And would you describe him as a friend?" 

"Yes." 

"A close friend?" 

"Yes. I have always valued his wisdom." 

"So his friendship is something you value?" 

"Yes." 

"Something you wouldn’t want to lose by being forced to prosecute him?" 

"No. But that was not the reason I did not do so." 

"And then we come to Commander Chakotay…a man with whom you spent ten weeks alone on a planet. Is that true?" 

"Yes." 

"A man rumoured to be your lover?" 

"There is no truth in that rumour," said Kathryn bristling. 

"So you are telling me that you have never at any time had intimate relations with Commander Chakotay?" 

"No," she replied, profoundly grateful that it was the truth. 

"Then how would you describe your relationship with Commander Chakotay?" 

"We are very close friends." 

"Close friends? Is that all? Let me tell you that we have evidence from many of your crewmembers that you were at one time substantially more than that." 

"You have no evidence of the sort. At best, all you can have is a few unsubstantiated opinions." 

"Captain Janeway, were you in love with Commander Chakotay at the time of the incident?" Kathryn blanched at the directness of the question, unable to stop her heart from racing. She didn’t dare look at Chakotay. "May I remind you, you are under oath?" 

"Your honour," said Kathryn desperately, addressing the chief justice, "Must I answer this question?" 

The man on the bench leaned forward to ask the prosecutor, "Is there a point to this line of questioning?" 

"Yes, your honour. I am attempting to show that Captain Janeway’s opinion is biased, and that her decision not to prosecute the defendants was due to her own personal involvement, and not due to their lack of guilt." 

"Very well, you may proceed." 

The prosecuting counsel turned back to Janeway. "Captain Janeway, I repeat, were you in love with Commander Chakotay at the time of the incident?" 

Kathryn drew a breath, fully aware that a lie would be obvious from the scans, and utterly humiliated at being exposed like this. What could she say but the truth, however unpalatable it was to reveal herself in this way? 

"Yes," she answered softly. A slight gasp echoed round the courtroom, swiftly followed by excited murmuring. 

"And are you still in love with him?" 

She paused for only a moment in an effort to keep the emotion out of her voice. "Yes," she said simply. 

"Your honour, I have no further questions for this witness," said the prosecutor and promptly sat down with an assured regal sweep. Now it was the turn of the defence to take the stage. 

* * *

  


The defence lawyer had been much more gentle with her, since she was a friendly witness, and taken a more factual line of questioning. Finally she had been dismissed and removed from the courtroom, where presumably one or other of the defendants had been put on the stand. She still hadn’t found the courage to meet Chakotay's gaze, but she’d felt the heat of his eyes on her for much of the afternoon. G-d, was she glad to escape. 

She spent the rest of the afternoon and most of the evening alone in her room at Starfleet HQ, although a number of Voyager’s senior staff came by, hoping to find out how things were going. She was under strict instructions not to divulge anything, so they left frustrated. Then, she spent the night tossing and turning in her bed. It had been a most gruelling and humiliating day for her, and moreover she was worried more than ever about the fate of her two friends. 

The next day, she felt marginally more optimistic, and at lunch time she had been told that the magistrates had retired to consider their verdict. 

Anxiously, she paced the floor in the lobby, waiting for news, and soon after 15.00 hours it came. They had been cleared of all charges and were free to go. Teero, who had been previously questioned about the affair, had been re-arrested. They now had sufficient evidence to charge and convict him for his crimes. She let out a private whoop of joy and fled. 

At first, she intended to head for her room, but she knew she would be easily found there, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to be. Instead, she wandered out into the far reaches of the gardens. It was, after all, a gloriously sunny afternoon. She spotted an empty bench in the shade of a towering chestnut tree, and deposited her exhausted body on it. She was utterly relieved at their exoneration. Really and truly she should pull herself together, go find them and congratulate them. But at that moment, she just couldn’t find the strength. The humiliation she’d had to endure in front of them still rankled. Tuvok would be fine about it. But Chakotay? G-d how she wished she’d never been forced to say what she had in front of him. Would she ever be able to look him in the eye again? She was struggling to stop the tears pricking in her eyes from falling. Somehow, just being forced to express her feelings out loud had served to show her just how much she had lost, now that he was with Seven. The grief was bearing down upon her like a ton of bricks, and she felt she was being buried alive. For a long time, she sat there, wallowing in her misery, impatiently brushing away the few stray tears that dared to roll down her cheeks. 

After a while, she heard someone approach. She knew it was him. The measured step was long familiar and alerted her to his presence long before he appeared in her line of vision. Her heart sank. She couldn't bear for him to see her like this. Her eyes must be puffy, and she was sure she looked a mess. More than that, she didn't think she could take the sympathy he was bound to offer her. She didn't want his pity...she felt humiliated enough. She wanted to run a mile, put as much distance between the two of them as possible, but, she told herself, Starfleet Captains don’t run from their best friends. They face up to situations like this, however awkward. So she drew a deep breath, and steeled herself to greet him. 

She threw a congratulatory smile at him, thin and watery, but heartfelt nonetheless, and he took his place on the bench beside her. They were both silent for a moment, each wondering who would be first to break the peace. 

Finally she summoned her strength and said, "I’m sorry that you had to hear it like that! Really, I would rather you had never known." She caught a glimpse of a smile on his lips. 

"What wouldn’t I have given to hear you say those words once!" 

"You’ll never know how close I came to saying them." 

"Then why didn’t you?" 

She thought it over for a few moments before answering. Did he really have to ask? Surely he knew? They'd both left so much unspoken over the years, both afraid that exposing the truth would damage their precious friendship in some way, and he'd been just as guilty of that as she. 

Eventually she confessed, "On the ship, I couldn’t let anything distract me. I could neither permit myself to take the risk nor indulge my feelings. It was a luxury I simply did not have...as Captain. On New Earth…well, let’s just say Tuvok made it back just days too soon. Strange as it may seem, I was having difficulty dealing with the conviction that I’d be betraying Mark in some way." 

"Kathryn, if it means anything to you, I do understand. I sometimes thought you didn’t feel anything for me…but, now strangely I’m relieved that I didn’t just imagine the attraction we had for each other. Thank you for being honest at last." 

She sighed. "Look at me! I’m such a mess. How can one person be so unlucky in love?" 

He laughed softly. "My track record isn’t exactly brilliant." 

"No. But things are on the up for you!" 

"Yes, they are," he agreed. 

Silence fell for a few moments before Kathryn continued, "I’d hate for this to come between us. I value your friendship very much, and I don’t want this to change things. I hope that you can look past this, Chakotay. Forget what happened in there. Forget I ever said anything." She looked at him sadly. She wanted so badly to touch him, better yet enfold herself in his strong comforting arms, but she knew it wouldn’t be appropriate any more. To her surprise, his hand stole tenderly over hers, and he lifted it onto his lap, rubbing it soothingly with his thumb. 

She shuddered. She was finding it difficult not to dissolve into tears. She didn’t want to make a scene, engender any more of his pity. She felt small enough, foolish enough already. 

"Oh, it’s not going to come between us," he said decisively. "In fact, I’m rather glad this has all come out at last." 

"Thanks," she said, with a thin smile, somewhat relieved to hear this. 

"And I am certainly not going to forget what you said." 

They fell quiet again, just sitting and enjoying the closeness they had come to appreciate so much over the last seven years. Then, she felt him stir, and she wondered in alarm if he was preparing to leave. 

"Sorry," she said again. "I’m sorry I told you my feelings when it was too late." 

"Is it?" For a moment, she stared at him in confusion. What had he said? Did he mean…? Her heart began to flutter, as a germ of hope uncurled within her. 

"Is it what?" she said uncertainly. It began to filter into her mind, that his eyes, his dark and beautiful eyes, which had been radiating sympathy, were registering something much more akin to hopefulness now. 

"Too late?" he clarified. 

"Yes. You’re going out with Seven now and…." 

"Hardly. We’ve had a few fairly insignificant dates." Both sets of eyes were locked now, trying desperately to read the truth in each others’ souls. It wasn’t very difficult. The love and the longing were clear as daylight. 

"She’s not the one I want to be with," he continued softly. "She never will be now." 

Kathryn studied his face intently, hardly daring to take this in. 

His deep sonorous voice echoed in her mind, as he added, "She's not the one I dream of at night, and she's certainly not the one I've loved since the day I first set eyes on her." 

Relief and happiness stormed her heart, as tears welled in her eyes. In response, he threw his arms around her, clasping her firmly against his breast to allow his warmth and strength to flow into her. Suddenly, Kathryn felt simply wonderful. Everything was alright in the universe again. 

"Do you mean it?" 

"With all my heart and all my soul! How could I not want you, Kathryn Janeway? You have been the light of my life for the last seven years. How can you possibly think I’d want to go on with the rest of my life without you?" Her heart swelled at his words, and she nestled her head against his broad strong chest. Was that his heart she could hear thumping or hers? She couldn’t be sure, but the tears had now spilled over and were wetting his jacket. She felt him kiss the top of her head. 

"Sorry," she said again, with an ugly sniffle, this time apologising for wetting his jacket, and brushing at the dampness in a futile attempt to remove it. 

"Spirits, will you stop apologising, woman!" he said, pulling her tighter to him, burying his hands in her hair. He looked around him. This was a rather public place for such an emotional display, and there were a few curious eyes being cast in their direction. 

"Thank goodness they put you on the witness stand," he continued. "I might never have known the truth. You weren’t going to tell me, were you?" 

"No. I thought it was better that way…" 

"Maybe you’d better stop thinking so much, Kathryn, and for once in your life do what your heart dictates!" There was some sense in that, she thought. 

"Yes," she said, with a laugh which at last began to dispel the tears. "Maybe I will!" Their eyes locked again, the years of longing burning brightly in them. Then her gaze dropped to his full inviting lips. Slowly, softly, they leaned into to each other and their lips met at long last. Kathryn felt she would just drown in the delicious sensation. Hungrily, she began to explore the feel of him, learning the taste and texture of his mouth, delighting in the powerful muscular form responding to her touch. Suddenly the sparks, so long smothered by years of disciplined restraint, began to re-ignite between them, and her head was sent spinning. A few minutes ago, she had been at a point of despair. She couldn't possibly have imagined this turn of events, for she had allowed herself to believe his love for her had died. Now, by an amazing twist of fate, she had been lifted into another realm, to a place where she could immerse herself in his very evident deep and enduring love for her. What bliss this was...what an incredible thrill to be finally in the arms of the man she loved! 

They broke off, breathlessly laughing at the sheer pleasure of it all. 

Then he stood, and turned to face her. "Your honour," he said in a tone of mock solemnity, casting his eyes to the air, towards some unseen imaginary arbiter, "I move to transfer proceedings to some place less public. The evidence this valuable witness has to offer is of a particularly sensitive nature, therefore I propose to continue my interrogation in camera." For a moment, she looked at him in surprise, then he threw her a huge mischievous grin and took her hand, tugging her up after him. She was more than willing to follow. 

"Your quarters?" she suggested with a laugh, skipping to keep up with one obviously ecstatic man, now singularly focused on getting her alone, and as quickly as possible. After all, his quarters were nearer. And thoughts of what they might do when they got there were already sending ripples of excitement through her eager body. 

"Affirmative," he said, his eyes twinkling. "I intend to subject this witness to an intensive cross-examination...in private!" 


End file.
